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Don’t SHIT YOUR PANTS, Jr.

July 9, 2009

So, it’s your first day on the job. You’re a junior. You’re nervous. And you get your first assignment.

The brief: Encourage PTs to buy the POD through RMBs. Media measurable through session caps. Whatever you do, don’t show IDPs.

And that’s when you shit your pants. Not like a huge shit, just a little bit. Just a squirt. Just enough to where you can smell it but you don’t know if everyone else around you can smell it. And you don’t know if it’s on your underwear yet or if it’s just wet on your ass. In fact, you don’t even know if it’s wet on your ass. It might have just been a super hot fart. And you have to fart again, but if you did, this time it would be wet for sure. And you certainly don’t want a case of WA (wetass) on your first day. So you sit with your butt puckered to avoid cotton contact, focusing all your energy into your now-trembling thighs and you realize you haven’t used these muscles since high school. Then you start to think about high school and the one time Mike Gassett shit his pants and everyone laughed at him. And you don’t want to be Michael Gassett. Do you? DO YOU?

Fuck no. But now you are. And now there’s no going back. I mean, people forget if you fuck up. People forget if you jam the printer. Or if you leave tuna in the fridge for 2 weeks. But nobody forgets the kid who shit his pants. Nobody.

“Well, what can I do?” you may ask. I’ll tell you what the fuck you can do. You can visit www.fawnkot.blogspot.com and learn all about obscure advertising terminology. Or, if you’re a seasoned vet, share your knowledge and wisdom with the young and awkward lambs of the industry. It’s not the most glorious part of the business, but it is important. So go shoot the shit on this one-of-a-kind adlingo site, or it will most certainly shoot you.

Yours truly,

MattonlyMoore
ps- bring extra undies to work.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. July 16, 2009 5:12 pm

    Unnecessarily gross.

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